


SATELLITE

by apricty



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Halcyon days, Happy New Year!, M/M, Merry Christmas!, Slice of Life, Slight drinking, Slow Burn, beomgyu love expert, big sorry, fluffy a bit, i love them night dates, i tried to slow burn, just a bit of swearing, let's be a bit bold from now on, not a sad ending at all, sad a bit, they are soulmates i think, u know its lov but they dont get it until the pieces fall where they should
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28372749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apricty/pseuds/apricty
Summary: “You know you’re really lucky it was me of all people who saw that ad,” Kai found himself chuckling at the memory.Kai is lonely, lonely enough to put up an offer for a “completelyplatonicrelationship” on Craigslist in exchange for money.  What he doesn’t expect is for someone to actually take up his offer.
Relationships: Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54
Collections: TXT Secret Santa Fic Fest 2020





	SATELLITE

**Author's Note:**

  * For [icvntsleep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/icvntsleep/gifts).



> I had quite the time of my life writing this while listening to Mitski's[ "Retired from Sad, New Career in Business"](https://open.spotify.com/album/6XIm98oFtEgIN0VPdzoKvu) album (class of 2013 made me tear up a bit on the way), just in case you want to check it out! I tried my best following your requests, but I am not sure if this will be able to live up to your expectations, I still wanted to give you a nice present. Furthermore, I hope life is being kind to you, you deserve it tons. ****
> 
> disclaimer: I did not proofread this, I'm sosososorry, I am a university student trying to get out of there the best I can so, I took my time, big time, but bet I'll fix any inconsistencies, try with the grammar because english isn't my native language, and make up for the rushed moments for u <3

#  **CRESCENT MOON**

It's cold —the hot dog in front of him—, because he had no energy to go and microwave it, or was it just out of shame because he is the only one sitting alone inside the convenience store at three in the morning eating a hot dog?

_First bite._

It's freezing —the air inside the store and the one that runs through his skin—, it's terrifyingly cold, and it never leaves, and during the day there’s no way the sun could provide any heat, any warmth, any… thing.

_Second bite._

It's dry, no taste, no flavor, it's like every bite of it could be compared to his life and there would be no difference, wish he could just eat up his life and end the bad taste like that, just hold on a bit more, and it's the end.

_Third bite._

The aftertaste is just the same, it never gets better, not after the first bite and definitely not after the last one, that's the way it is, that's the way everything is, and so then after all... tears fall, and his cheeks get wet.

That’s what happens every other night when the refrigerator at home is empty and there is not much but bottled water and the sound of the neighbors screaming at each other. The cashier already knows him, she works every day at the same hour, and because she never asks he keeps coming, he eats, and leaves, she just stares and smiles.

While drinking the cup of hot coffee in his hands he looks outside through the window, fall is coming to an end, trees start to lose their leaves. Damn, _this coffee is bitter._

Suddenly his phone rings and the screen shows it up: _Mom_.

 _“Hi, baby,”_ her voice, he missed it. _“How is it going?”_

 _“Oh,”_ his throat contracts at the question, _“just a bit tired,”_ and hungry, and lonely, can I sleep at your place tonight? Are words that stick in his throat. _“How ‘bout you?”_

 _“Make sure you rest, I wasn't expecting you to answer at this hour. I’m doing great, the fall design did amazing, the GP loved it!”_ she's probably throwing her hands around in happiness, she probably just wanted to share about it with him.

_“Bet, you always make the greatest things.”_

_“Yeah, I made you too,”_ am I great too, mom? Drowns in his throat, he can’t let it out. _“I love you, just wanted to check on you. I hope to see you soon, Kai.”_

He takes a while before replying, quite a long while. _“Love you too, mom,”_ because it kind of hurts his chest, remembering.

When his mom sent him off to college, and he kept trying his best to succeed on his own, back then he called his mom twice a day because life was too hard and the silence was too heavy —the one inside his mind—, because his sisters were not in Korea anymore, they had gone to study to the USA, but he chose to stay for her.

Now that his mom got busy with one of those once-in-a-lifetime chances, and he is (still) working hard to get it all right, calls are rare, from her and his sisters, and kind of everyone.

I just want… someone, _someone who stays._

That’s quite hard, he keeps in mind that most people can’t afford to stay, like Yeonjun, or Soobin. But Kai can’t avoid longing for company either.

And he calls.

And there is the voicemail.

_“This is Choi Yeonjun! I'm either practicing or sleeping, please leave a voice message after the tone, I'll try to text you back as soon as I can!”_

_“When are you coming?”_ Kai starts, he knows the answer is 'I don't know, soon enough'. _“I miss you,”_ for this he doesn't know the answer or if it even exists _“You know? I was eating a hot dog, it was quite cold and shitty, and I- I don’t know, I wanted to hear your voice so, thank you for having the voicemail… yeah, that’s it, have fun.”_

So he leaves the convenience store as usual, with a bad taste.

Then he’s back at home, to a small room he found on the internet, it was cheap and had all the things he needed to survive for some months, he had to take it. Back then he thought that if he could just fit in the piano and some clothing he wouldn't feel alone, not as much as he used to feel at college, but _oh_ he was trying to convince himself so hard because tonight still the bed will be empty and the feeling will catch him up when he gets there.

Kai is losing it and...

Kai is lonely, lonely enough to put up an offer for a “completely platonic relationship” on Craigslist in exchange for money as soon as he can, that's what he thinks as he walks home with dry tears on his cheeks, he’ll stop working anyway. Holidays are starting, and he won’t have another thing to focus on other than his unfinished article. He works like that, writing for a living.

A few years back, as he navigated through the internet, he found this post titled: “I paid a stranger to be my friend” he let out a crackle then because, at first it was hilarious, and then incredibly sad. Right now he feels pretty much the same about it.

And he is screaming as sees his phone because he’s actually thinking of doing _it_ , of paying a stranger to be his friend, and it's so embarrassing that he would pay with his savings for the month, not like he eats much anyway.

It’s like time stops for a while sitting in front of the laptop, just letting the shine of the moon through the very thin curtains of a small window, and the air running cold, but he isn’t bothered by it —truth is, he doesn't feel it, he is unaware of how much he is shaking.

The screen’s blue light shines on his face as he stares at that crazy page.

_Craiglist._

And he keeps staring, first question:

“What type of posting is this?” he whispers, reading, “Gig offer. I’m hiring for a short term, small or ODD job,” and nods as he finishes, “yeah, that’s the one, there is no way in the world this is a normal job.”

“Please, choose a category,” he continues, and between a bunch, though not one exactly fits the i-want-someone-to-be-with narrative, the domestic gig seems to get him the best, and in it includes: “babysitting…?” he ponders when he sees that, “maybe more as in tutoring? In which category does a friend fall?”

**CRAIGLIST**

**Title:** platonic relationship

**Description:** First off, don’t be scared, I am desperate, and it will be a COMPLETELY platonic thing for a few months (or until new year) I will take care of everything.

  1. to take care and listen to me.
  2. available for hangouts.
  3. funny to be around.
  4. maybe a great talker.
  5. adventurous
  6. born between 99’ max to 03’ min (i’m a 02’).



**PAYMENT.** _Describe compensation (please be as detailed as possible):_ $20 per hour, I’m taking care of the places we go or eat-outs.

**Show my phone number. Calls (NO) Text (OK)**

**Your offer will be up for 48 hrs starting now!**  
  
---  
  
He's completely lost it now.

“Well, it’s not like anyone will take up a job to be a stranger's friend.”

☽

Days start at 6 AM as he takes a quick shower and puts on the first thing he finds, the first thing that's not too colorful to make him look like a kindergarten teacher (which is probably half his closet), the first thing that is good enough, so his boss won't try to fire him again for not giving a fuck. So he settles for black pants and some kind of gray cardigan.

Then he runs to the subway stop, as fast as his body lets him because it usually takes some time to lock the door of his apartment so the dude that's been stealing the houses around won't get in his; he has not much to lose, but he can't afford to stay with any less.

Inside the subway the seats that surround him are full, it is natural on mornings, but you can’t notice because no one talks or stares too much, so his attention usually goes to the tiny particles of dust visible on the beam of light that comes from the windows, until they drive through the tunnel, and it all goes dark again. Under town everything looks like that, not alive and much less colorful, what can he expect of being five feet under the city riding the subway to _hell_? Kai wonders how even if people come to clean every day, the seats, the floor, it all still looks deadly gray, almost dirty.

Also, he feels better when he ignores everyone, just imagining he’s sitting alone on his way to work, so he can peacefully listen to some music and recover from the past sleepless nights, it even gets him more rest to sleep on the hard-as-rock seats of the subway than on his bed, and the quite annoying sound of metals hitting against each other help him fall asleep; the piano music he listens on his way home comes handy too, and he's got the ride memorized —though he cannot see much until the next stop, his body knows exactly when to wake him up, so he doesn't worry much when he starts dreaming.

He walks between thousands of people and suddenly his body shakes like there’s no air in his chest though he is breathing the same way he’s always had, as air goes through his nose and instead of reaching his chest it flies to his head, pushing and smashing everything in its way. He is drowning in people who never notices what’s around them, that’s what he feels under the usual sea of people, he closes his eyes for a bit and walks faster until it all becomes quiet again, and it looks like not a fly flew around, everything is dark once more…

His eyes open, he breathes heavily gasping for air, tiny drops of sweat walk on his forehead, those he can't feel remain there, ignored. He quickly looks up and hurries to push the stop button.

That's the other way the days start lately, with a few nightmares of him drowning alone because of the cold he’s been feeling inside, sleepless nights, and a few starving days, but he gets peace when he sees the streets filled with leaves falling from reddish trees instead.

The bus stops are usually full of people in the mornings, everyone is going to work or to school, and most of the time they have someone walking by their side, Kai is sure that it must be nice to walk beside someone with whom to share your day, at least for a while. He looks at the pairs and groups of people and keeps walking, a bit of bitterness fills his mouth.

Then the small building rises in front of his eyes, a tiny white building with some windows spread around and, as he knows from experience, no elevator… but well, who needs one for three floors? The inside is pretty depressing, with paint falling from the walls and two or three yellow lights, not many people come by so the silence runs through the hallways until it reaches his ear producing the most annoying sound.

The place is ugly, essentially because the firm is going down.

“How was it?” his boss shows up at the end of the stairs, a faint smile on his face lets the wrinkles of his face become darker, he talks without lifting his eyes from the iPad in his hands. “The story, how is it unfolding?”

“G-great,” Kai shivers, with a hand in his neck. Last night he got home, put up that add which he is already thinking of taking down, and (over)slept; he usually writes at night while the neighbors are asleep and not over each other’s throats; sadly, the past nights they've been fighting over who should leave their apartment first and who's taking the dog with them, he’s not been able to concentrate. But he can't say all that to his boss, “almost done.”

“Make sure it is finished by December 20th, so I can review it.” The old man takes a step back inside his office, but he peeks back outside again. “Nice suit, by the way!”

The work Kai was assigned isn't even that important, he thinks there is no point in trying so hard if he never gets the important gigs anyway, and the best offers are mostly assigned to Beomgyu. Choi Beomgyu, small, funny, talented… and extremely kind, has tried to give Kai the chance to do some of his offers, but Kai rejects them all, it isn't fair! He feels he has to earn them and at the same time, he feels he doesn't deserve them.

How stupid.

Anyway, writing romance is more entertaining, it is easier to write with longing hands and cheesy words than with a critical mind and strict definitions, at least for him. Kai ended up writing articles for the internet (which are not read by many people) because he couldn't find better offers and because, though he loves writing, well… being a writer is quite hard, writing novels takes time, like that one he's been trying to write for months, the story of a painter boy and his loved one, suffocated under the gaze of his mother.

Kai finds it extremely ironic the way he writes about life being suffocating, and how hard it is for him to breathe.

Breathing is hard.

Walking is hard.

Sleeping is fairly easy, sometimes all it takes is for him to close his eyes, and suddenly he is on the subway on his way home, and the subway is empty, and the nightmare of the sea of people starts again, so sleeping is not hard but scary.

“Kai…” he is being shaken and his eyes fly to the owner of the hand on his shoulder, Beomgyu. “You were sweating,” his eyebrows furrow.

“I slept again, damn it!” he swears under his breath.

“Glad the boss didn't come here,” Beomgyu laughs quite loudly and also quite sweet. “I heard vacations start tomorrow for you, so before I leave I came to wish you happy holidays,” and the smile forms on the boy’s face, tenderly. Kai is glad but also doesn't understand, he doesn't understand many things.

“Thank you, you too, Beomgyu-ssi.”

“Take,” Beomgyu hands a small box wrapped in decorated paper, “this is for you, my number is in there too just in case you need to call someone, vacations are quite long this year.”

“I’ve got nothing for you though...”

And with a calm voice and a soft smile, “No problem,” that’s how the boy leaves.

Those are the usual conversations he and the smiley boy have from time to time, Beomgyu is nice and approachable, Kai is aware of it, yet it feels strange to show up out of nowhere; but that’s not what troubles his mind, it’s how there will be nothing more to keep him out of home (or his mind, which is scarier) as long as there is no work to assist to.

He has the hope of the _stupid_ Craiglist add, though he knows it isn't going to work.

**  
**  


#  **QUARTER MOON**

Sunday mornings are busy as well because he works in the fancy white church that becomes bigger as he walks to it, the one with pretty flowers perfectly placed all around, everything looks stunning; like a puzzle, everything has its own place and belongs to where it should. Kai has played at weddings every Sunday for the past four years thanks to the old lady who manages the church’s schedule. Back then he was having a lot of financial issues, and he used to play on the streets while singing until a funny old woman walked up to him and instead of leaving him the money she left a card, this, of course, took Kai’s attention back then. She offered him a house and a job, so he took the chance. Kai’s life has been a lot of taking chances.

Leaves fall from sad trees, they fall red and orange, they fall slowly and dance within the air. Kai looks at them every day, it has become a routine by now, and he finds it relaxing to the point he loses himself in the sight of it as he plays the piano for the couple at the front. He is not worried because his fingers already know their place, and because no one ever notices he isn't actually paying attention.

Kai's eyes shyly wander through the room, full of people listening to him play but eyes on the couple kissing at the front, they kiss fondly as they hold hands and when they get apart they look at each other the way you look at the biggest treasure in your life.

Kai longs a bit of intimacy, a bit of ' _I know exactly what you are feeling just by looking at you_ ', a bit of whatever every couple who walks up to the altar have, or maybe a bit of everything he's used to seeing when he walks crowded streets: best friends, couples, walking while holding hands, a hug after a bad day, words that come from the heart; but he finds it hard to connect with people in real life, apart from one or two friends he considers close, and he made back in the day when life didn't feel heavy, friends with whom he does not keep in touch for some time now.

Sometimes his mind gets lost.

Then he notices a girl as she approaches him, she’s dressed in a pretty pink dress and her brown hair falls over her chest, her face is small, and she glows in pink and yellow tones.

“Hi,” she says slowly and quietly, but he doesn't answer, he keeps playing. “I was wondering if you would like to go out with me” well, she is bold, and any other day, Kai would’ve taken it, he would’ve taken it because he is desperate to find home and warmth. Yeah, he would take it right now.

“I am…” his lips quiver a bit before talking because he is a bit scared of being too straightforward, “glad, but not looking for anything as of now,” a painful white lie, so she doesn't get involved with someone who doesn’t have his life figured out just yet.

She laughs a bit ashamed, and all the boldness he saw in her at first, disappears, just like her and everyone inside the church. Each person comes and leaves with smiling faces.

Kai knows very well not every marriage ends up the same way it starts, but just for a day, he likes to believe every couple he has ever played the piano for will end up in the same way they walked in, together. And as the church is left with ghosts, every key he presses makes the echo stronger, then there is the sound of emptiness, he knows it well. It's tiring, conversations, people, interactions; it's tiring, living a bit.

☽

Monday morning comes, now he has no need to go to work, no food in the fridge, and surprisingly, no neighbors screaming —the last one is the only good one.

 _“Are you home?”_ A week ago Soobin said he'd be in the city for a day, he had been out of Korea for the most part of the year, no sight of him and even though he does answer the calls, Soobin manages to talk to two persons at the same time, but Kai rather not bother. Yet this time he specified to Kai to call in the: 'MORNING', with capitals and all, so they wouldn't miss the chance to meet.

_“Arrived this morning! Are you receiving me?”_

_“I want to EAT,”_ voraciously.

 _“Come here, I'll order food.”_ Soobin’s been always the light at the end of the tunnel, when they were young he would treat Kai food every other day, take the bus back to campus and then to Kai’s home. Sometimes Soobin would take him home with his parents. Kai enjoyed those days.

_“God bless your soul, hyung.”_

It’s been a day since he put up the offer, Kai has checked every other hour his phone waiting for a text. Of course, he did not expect much more than a few texts mocking him, which, thanks to whatever major force, he has not received. Maybe that tiny irrational part inside his brain that brings hope, that part wondered if someone would take it, even if it was as a joke.

 _Nobody would take the offer…_ he replies to himself.

Ding!

_… or would they?_

It's the sudden ring of his phone that wakes him up as he travels to Soobin's apartment. And it's not a damn text, it's a phone call…? He has to take it.

 _“Hello?”_ he whispers to the phone, though five people are on the subway with him, he still chooses to speak low.

 _“I want to take it.'_ ' Kai stops, the air in his lungs leaves, the voice of a boy is what he hears, and he wants what? _“The offer, I mean… Craiglist,”_ Kai is quiet, astonished, words can't leave his mouth and his hands start to sweat, he is not conscious of all of this, so he doesn't notice the —quite long— awkward silence. _“Are you not Huening Kai?”_

 _“No,”_ he quickly responds, no thoughts go through his mind.

_“Oh, then—”_

But as fast, he corrects himself, he can't believe the subway is this hot at 7 in the morning. Heat travels his whole body because even through the phone he feels embarrassed. _“No, no, I mean yeah, I am Huening Kai,”_ the tremble in his voice becomes more notorious.

_“Oh! I just wanted to make sure you were not a creepy old man.”_

_“Thank you!”_ Kai's voice goes all the way up, he notices because the old lady in front of him gives him the stinkiest look, so he scrunches and pulls his voice back down with him.

 _“From the excitement in your voice I can tell you didn't get any other applier, so do I get the job?”_ Kai can't even think much out of the fact that he got ONE person to apply, he is happy with that one, one feels enough, and it is much more than he expected.

 _“Yeah, you get it, is there anything else you wanna know?”_ Kai is ready, 100 percent ready to be asked 'why' he has the whole speech memorized, the past nights he kept thinking about all the possible scenarios and all the possible questions, and right now it feels like he is the one auditioning for the job instead.

 _“Chocolate or Vanilla?”_ the boy asks.

 _“Hm?”_ Kai is obviously confused, his mind scrolls around the thousand imaginary cards with answers, nothing shows up.

 _“Ice cream, chocolate, or vanilla?”_ the boy repeats.

_“Mint-choco.”_

_“Hm...”_ he’s disappointed, Kai recognizes that tone. _“Not the toothpaste ice cream!”_

 _“It doesn't taste like toothpaste!”_ he instantly feels how people stare at him because he has raised his voice again, so he laughs nervously.

 _“I am not working for someone who likes mint-choco, I quit!”_ suddenly the boy's tone is playful and funny; he is having fun.

 _“Fine! Quit!”_ Kai angry whispers, it is a shame he can't go along with the joke out loud, but the boy on the end of the line lets out a chuckle, so soft that if there was just a bit nearer the air-con he could not be able to hear it. Kai doesn't notice he smiles at this.

 _“Can we meet before we start?”_ the boy asks.

_“It would be great! Where? When?”_

_“Tomorrow? Tuesday, is it okay?”_ Kai notices this boy seems to be slightly more composed than him,

 _“Yeah, I have free time,”_ vacations are a blessing and a curse, he thinks.

_“Is there a café near your house?”_

_“I…”_ I don't go out, is what he would like to say, _“don't know”_ is how he finishes the sentence.

_“Oh, you can send me the area name I can search some up! I'll wait for the text, sorry I have to go!”_

_“See yo—”_ the boy hangs quickly,

He got it.

And he is past the stop.

Life gives and takes, Kai realizes.

☽

Soobin scoffs. “Someone took it?” he instantly laughs after saying it. “I can't believe you, who in their right mind would?”

First thing Kai did when he arrived at Soobin's was scream 'I got it, I got it!' like he won the lottery —and the feeling is basically the same— then Soobin thought he had gone mad, and Kai had to explain he put up an offer for a platonic relationship out there. Of course, Soobin laughed at first, of course, Soobin did not believe him, and of course, Kai begged with bright eyes for Soobin not to pity him much.

“A boy did, he took it, he called me on my way here.” his eyes beam with happiness.

“Did you get his name?” Soobin stares back at Kai who's laying on the couch, it feels like he is scolding the younger, and Kai's eyes go down in shame because he forgot to ask for a name. “Fine, what's next? Did you make sure it was not a scam?”

“We're meeting.”

Soobin sighs. “Make sure to call me before and after, okay?”

“I can't promise, but I can try,” Kai smiles a bit, just because it feels nice to have someone care and because this moment reminds him of the teeny tiny crush he used to have on Soobin. “You are leaving tonight again, right, hyung?”

“Yup, and I will come back in December...” Soobin thinks for a moment, fully aware timings change, “maybe.”

That's one of the many reasons Kai keeps wandering town on his own, everyone has a life to keep up with and everyone has it figured out. Soobin works as a model, Kai knew this was going to happen at some point. Back then Soobin and Yeonjun were a thing —Kai can't exactly point what—, then Yeonjun left in pursuit of better chances, which he got… later Soobin, though a bit heartbroken, got cast. Now he spends his time traveling the world and enjoying it all. Kai is absolutely happy for his friends, which doesn't stop him from missing them every now and then.

To the few times he gets to meet Soobin, to the once in a lifetime he can get a text back from Yeonjun, to his actual family and all…

☽

Kai waits outside the place Taehyun sent, he had never been here, and it's funny how it is just a few blocks near his home. It's cute and quite fancy, Kai would rather go directly for the fun and because this place is calm and quiet he is able to hear his heartbeat much more than his steps on the wooden floor as he walks to the boy, sitting patiently exactly where he had said he would be.

Last table to the right, where a cherry tree covers the glass window.

The boy is looking outside and sunshine falls from the sky to his face, filtered through the petals and leaves in the tree, then the eyes that used to look at the back of the café look at Kai now. The male with the platinum blond hair stands up and smiles, Kai can't even distinguish if the boy's smile is wide, out of happiness or just because his mouth is big.

“Huening Kai?” Kai nods slowly. “Kang Taehyun,” the smile never fades and Kai is glad because he feels less nervous thanks of it.

Taehyun is small, Kai thinks and maybe Kai is exaggerating because he's taller than most people he's ever met, yet he can't help but look at the boy and think that he's the cutest male he's ever seen up close, and his looks are fascinating and unique, it all boils down to the pair of big eyes and the plush pink lips, but _oh god_ how could he ignore that tall nose and all the perfectly defined characteristics of his face.

Taehyun's eyes are big and bright, filled with golden light. Right off the bat, Kai is crying inside, everything's a mess AGAIN —as always, but it feels worse now—, because Taehyun is insanely handsome.

“Woah,” Kai lets out, and his eyes go wide because he is that stupid.

“What?”

“Oh, no nothing you look… uhm interesting,” Kai laughs, nervously, again.

He thinks he looks like those flustered characters with the sweat tear dripping down his forehead, and maybe he doesn't, but he can feel it; he keeps it going, “handsome, I mean.”

“I know,” yeah there is no way he doesn't know, “you too.” WOAH THERE.

And there is the internal conflict Kai goes through, should he go for the modest reply or just go and be all himself... what he thinks and does is usually not connected, the cables inside his brain won’t work, so almost like a reflex he answers. “Oh, yeah I know”

Taehyun lets out a loose laugh. “I ordered mint-choco for you.”

“Do they sell ice cream here?”

“Yup, they do, you just need to tell me what you want to drink,” he slides the menu, “quite vintage isn't it?” Kai nods, the menu is a small card with few scrambled things. “I like it here, sometimes I just want to forget about out there and life, treat myself with the small and simple things in life.”

“How did you discover this place?”

“Some years ago, during a snowing night, I thought it was the nicest place I had ever been to, so I came back almost every day.”

“It is gorgeous, but well… I have some questions.”

“Go ahead,” Taehyun looks unbothered, resting his back on the chair.

“Why did you take the offer?”

“I need the money.”

“Did you not get creeped out by it?” because Kai is sure he totally would.

“I mean, no, if I had the money I’d probably do the same, but I called to make sure it was safe.”

“Did my voice give it away? That I am not... old, like you said.”

“Pretty much, you have quite a high pitch, and you sounded excited, a bit confused but excited. I even got worried about you because you didn't ask for any of my info, I could be a scam as far as you know,” Taehyun smiles, and a tiny dimple forms on his right cheek.

“You are not,” Kai said, completely sure, “may I know what's your age?”

“I was born in 2002, a calm morning of February.”

“Woah,” the way this boy talks sends shivers through his body, it isn’t scary but extremely soothing, “I am a 02' too, born on a fresh night of august.” Kai jokes back.

“Ohhhh!” Taehyun giggles right after. “I know you are a 02 too, you added it on the requirements, it wasn't necessary, but I am glad you added it.”

“Oh really? I don’t even remember what I wrote,” actually that whole night is blurred.

“I guess I can not fulfill the requirements, and you won’t notice,” Taehyun laughs hard at the confused face Kai makes, because his eyebrows furrow up, and he pouts his lips neverendingly, the blond thinks for a moment before talking again. “It’s gonna be hard to work properly if you are this cute.”

Kai blushes a bit.

“Anyway… I have to go,” Taehyun says. “I'll forgive you for getting here late,” the blond notices Kai's hand hurriedly trying to take out his wallet, “and don't worry, we just met, you don't have to pay me yet.”

“Wait,” Kai's voice stops Taehyun from walking away. “Where are you taking me next?”

“I see you don't know much so, let it be a surprise,” the blond smirks right after this.

“So you have an idea already?”

Taehyun nods. “When do we start?”

“Tomorrow if you are free.”

“Then tomorrow be it, here at 7 am.,” the blond leaves with a beaming smile on his face.

When Taehyun is nowhere to be seen anymore and Kai gets home safe and sound, he sends a text to Soobin, it reads 'I'm alive'.

Kai doesn't know much about the boy he just met, Taehyun, he recalls his name. He doesn't know if things will go smoothly or if they will have to work it out because, well… Kai has no other choice but to try. At the same time he doesn’t exactly want to force this.

#  **GIBBOUS MOON**

They meet at the café, right before the sun rises. Kai tries to laugh off the fact that he got there a bit late again, and Taehyun can only smirk annoyed at him.

“Where do we go from here?” Kai asks to lift the thin wall of tension.

“I told you it's a surprise…” the blond smiles.

“Fine, I'll close my eyes,” Kai does as he says. “You can take me, now.”

The boy laughs as he shakes his head. “Fool,” Taehyun takes Kai's face between his hands and opens his eyes, “let's go.”

The subway drive is quiet and fast. It feels like flying through town but under it, Kai is digging the feeling of knowing he has somewhere to go with the one by his side, even if he doesn’t know him completely.

They get to where they were headed to, as Kai swears under his breath: _the fucking amusement park_ with rollercoasters and all. That’s where their first official meeting takes place, one of the very few locations in Korea Kai hates the most.

“This is so wrong,” Kai lets out under his breath—as he's been doing all the way here—because the very first thing Taehyun chose to do was ride a rollercoaster and Kai had no choice but to say yes, just so he wouldn't look like he doesn’t know how to have fun.

Now they are sitting on the first row seats of the tiny vehicle and Kai can only look at the way the tray slowly starts going all the way up.

“Are you okay?” Taehyun asks, he probably noticed how Kai became pale.

Kai wonders for a while if lying would make it better, but deep down he knows it won’t, more by experience than anything else. “I am scared,” the blond's face morphs as his eyes go big and his lips disappear into a thin line.

“Why did you not tell me?” Taehyun laughs nervously, “Fuck, I should've asked more times,” his hand flies to his face.

“Are you—?” _okay_ , he meant to say, before being interrupted.

“I'm scared too, I-” Taehyun laughs again.

“Why are we going up there then? If you are scared too we can get down!” Kai wants to get out, now.

“I wanted to seem fun, b-but it’s okay, we’ll do it, bet it isn't as bad as we think it is,” the blond fixates his eyes on the metallic path they’ll have to go through.

“This risky thing, I—” _I will choke you_ , Kai would, if he felt comfortable enough, but he won't because they are almost at the top. “I will cry.”

“That’s fine!” Taehyun's face turns to Kai's, both are holding tight their seat belts. “I will be here.”

These last words give Kai enough strength to go through the ride, through the ups and downs of the rollercoaster, and it also provokes in him tiny explosions of excitement. He goes through it with a tightened mouth and closed eyes, everything he focuses on is the way Taehyun is screaming quite loudly, his voice goes all the way to the top, it is almost as high-pitched as his.

After it all, Taehyun buys ice cream for both, a cup full of three flavors.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve asked, no surprises anymore,” the blond places his spoon in the ice cream, he looks drained.

“It’s okay, but let’s not try one of those ever again!” Kai lets out a big sigh, and his companion nods.

“We can go to the carnival on Thursday, I found this one…” suddenly the blond boy recovers all of his energy, he takes his phone out of a pocket and almost in a rush he searches for what he wants to show to Kai, a pretty and full of lights carnival, tents of colors and tons of food. “We’ll have to drive-”

“But I don’t know how to drive...”

“I do, don't worry about it, it's a two hours, two and a half hours drive, so we'll meet Thursday at 7 in the morning again,” Kai looks at the way Taehyun is so excited to take him there, at how he scrolls the page looking for all the information he needs for both and how he plans for things in anticipation, he is… great, much more than Kai imagined last night in bed while he anxiously went through all the imaginary conversations they would have.

But Kai snaps out of it and comes back to reality. “Should I pay for today?”

Taehyun looks down. “You haven't finished your ice cream, do you want me away that fast?”

“No, no, no,” both laugh at the serious tone Taehyun got in so quickly and at the funny way Kai throws his arms and hands in the air just to say no.

The ice cream cup that used to be full, gets empty and right after, they part ways. Kai doesn't forget to pay the amount he should.

When Kai is inside of his tiny home, tucked under his tiny bed he starts to think he was (and still is) crazy for putting up that offer, yet he is also lucky for choosing to do so; Taehyun is nice, chatty, and quite bold, and most importantly, he makes Kai feel safe.

The cold air that gets through the windows doesn’t get him tonight.

Nor tomorrow.

Until Thursday morning when he walks to the café covered in layers of clothing, colorful of course (one of the perks of not having to go to work anymore). This time Taehyun gets late, in some kind of car, Kai doesn't care much about cars, so he gets up, and they leave.

“Sorry for taking too long,” Taehyun murmurs when they are some miles away, his eyes are on the road, and in this way, Kai can look at how his nose is tall and how his eyelashes curl, the same way his lips do, softly.

“It's fine, but if I am being honest, it felt like an eternity.”

“Yah,” the blond laughs, now the corners of his eyes are curled too, “forgive me.”

“I'll think about it…” Kai teases.

“Fine, fine, do you wanna play some music, take my phone,” he signs with his head at the device, “play whatever you want.”

Kai takes the smartphone, “It's locked.”

“One, two, two, one.”

“Got it!”

The ride was full of 'I love this song' and 'You've said that before' every other fifteen minutes, two hours of Kai's playlist full of cheerful songs, and some he knew by heart, so he sang his lungs out all the way. Taehyun only glanced with a slight smile and sang along a few times. _What a cool guy!_ Kai thought, from the way Taehyun dressed to the way he talked and carried himself, composed, like he had his life figured out.

At the carnival the boys walked up-down east-west, they played each and every game. Taehyun tried darting balloons—after Kai had tried hard to pop some—he couldn't hit any either, because he jumped a little with each pop. Kai tried basketball right after, he got one, Taehyun got two, and they took a tiny squirrel plushie with them. Pinball roll, 4 in a roll, tic-tac-toe, nothing, they lost them all… then dip bowling came, unsurprisingly, Taehyun did amazing, and they took a giant bunny, but Kai found much more memorable the way they both jumped while high-fiving and laughing of pure happiness after losing a lot.

But the bunny can testify about the lucky row they had after winning for the first time, and the huge amount of food they ate, they felt like exploding—that's the way Kai remembers it.

“I'll go for a milkshake real quick,” the blond stands up from the table and leaves after Kai nods. It's at this moment when Kai notices how late it is, the sun is hiding behind the horizon and the sky is tinted with pale blue faded until it becomes crimson, it's orange, pretty pink, and finally purple. But even if night starts to fall, people are still coming, in groups, and they laugh, and they hold hands and the lights hanging from cables shine brighter.

Kai loves this.

And Kai wants to share this feeling with Taehyun, who should be buying a milkshake right there… Kai looks directly where Taehyun should be,

he's not there.

“Taehyun?” Kai calls with a strong voice, he looks around, between faces he searches for big eyes and a blond head.

No one.

Did he lose himself too much?

“Taehyun!” he screams, he shouldn't leave the table, he shouldn't leave the table so maybe Taehyun can find him, but he can't stay still. Kai runs around, between tons of people, but he isn't scared of it this time, and the air in his chest doesn't leave for that reason now.

A dot, a white dot, that's what he sees, with an agitated heart and shaky hands he runs to it.

“Kang Taehyun!!” he screams in hopes that the white head turns around and becomes the face of the boy he's been looking for.

It does. It's him.

_Kang Taehyun._

“Where were you!?” his heart finally rests.

“I- I got lost, sorry,” Taehyun looks small, though Kai is taller, Taehyun has—not one of the times they've met—looked this small, with his eyes on the ground and his hand holding a glass full of milkshake. He didn't even sip a bit.

“How did you even-?” the blond's hand slips through Kai's arm.

“I won't go missing anytime soon like this.” Taehyun smiles.

“I hope so,” Kai smiles back, and Taehyun sips from his milkshake.

And the ride back home is nice, the sky is full of stars because the city lights don't block their shine, and the radio is off, so they talk.

“Thank you for today,” Kai sighs, and he looks at the back seat, the huge bunny, and some other plushies they won, a smile forms on his face.

“No problem, Kai, it was fun,” Taehyun stays quiet for some time, the only sound they hear is the one of the cars passing by, and air hitting against the glass until the blond speaks again. “Kai?”

“Hmm?” Kai's eyes fly to Taehyun.

“What's your favorite childhood memory?”

He thinks for a moment, a movie plays in his mind as he tries to choose his favorite moment out of them, he smiles. “I think… I was five, and my father was throwing me in the air, it felt like flying, and it tickled my stomach, so I laughed every time I felt like flying, and suddenly like falling… we were in a park having fun. The greenest trees I've ever seen. Me, my sisters and my parents, we held hands while walking around and played each game together. If I think about it long enough, it almost feels like it was yesterday.”

“Do you miss those days?”

“Yeah,” nostalgia starts to kick in, so he tries to kick her out, “how 'bout you?”

“I was seven, I think… and I was crying because I had fallen on mud and I got it all over my body, it is disgusting, I can feel it just by mentioning it… but a kid, almost my age, walked up to me with a lollipop, cherry was the flavor. The kid said to me 'this is for you, muddy boy', of course, I felt like he was mocking me, so I cried harder but still took the lollipop,” he chuckles, “He said 'mom says, every time you fall you clean your knees and keep walking, she also says lollipops stop you from crying, so I always carry one with me' and I always keep that in mind”

“Is it true?”

“What?”

“Lollipops stop you from crying, is it true?”

“Nope,” Taehyun shakes his head and giggles, “but cherry lollipops are the best”

“Why is that your favorite childhood memory?”

“It makes me happy for some reason. I told my mom about the kid, about that day, she says she doesn't remember it at all, so it feels special to me, my own day, for me to remember.”

“That's cute,” it really is… and Kai can't stop staring at Taehyun's shiny eyes, “we have a long way to go, so what's your favorite part of the day? Let me get to know you on our way back.”

From then on they start discussing whether night or morning is the best, night means it's finally ending and morning means you've got a new chance to start. Both want to win, so there is no conclusion to it, but the ride is fun, and they laugh more than they talk.

“We can go to the movies on Sunday!” Taehyun giggles when he leaves Kai at the entrance of his house. “Let’s go to the movies, run through the rooms and watch as many movies as we can, what do you think?”

“Isn't that illegal?”

“I think it's not,” It probably is.

“Fine…” Kai sighs, he is tired… a good tired, “let me pay for today before you go, the gas and everything, you are doing so much for me it's-”

“Don't say it,” Taehyun complains and holds the money Kai hands him. “See you on Sunday, at four, is that okay?” Kai nods, “m'kay, goodnight!”

Good night... he thinks about that word while he looks at Taehyun leaving in his car. Yeah, it's a good night. There are no screaming neighbors nor cold air running through his body, yeah, _good night._

☾

The sun comes through the thin yellow curtains, it doesn't bother him, but that means he has to run because if the sun is up already, he is late. But no one can take away the fact that that's the best sleep night he's ever had.

He gets to the church a few minutes late, thankfully so does today's wife. He plays, everyone leaves, and he stays seated touching the keys. It's been a long time since he played whatever he wanted, some years ago that's what he used to do for a living, it didn't give him much, but it felt good, just playing.

Kai likes it when the church is empty because the sound echoes all around, and it becomes louder, but he has to leave at some point, even if he'd like to play for the afternoon couple, or simply to keep playing, any of both. Right before he leaves there's the sound of footsteps, a known walk, slow and firm.

“It was great,” an old man with a raspy voice stands at the entrance, “as always,” both smile at the memories.

“How have you been?” Kai bows as he approaches the man, it has been three years now since they met, back then the man had no wrinkles on his face, and the dark circles under his eyes are prominent now, Kai thinks three years change a lot of things.

“Better than before,” apart from the remaining sad look on his face the man does look better, much more at peace. “I wanted to see you one last time and give you your payment of the month in person,” the boy is confused, because the old man, though with a smile on his face, is giving him the same look he had given him the day Kai left.

“Are you leaving, Sir?”

“I am,” a smile is accompanied by sad eyes. “I want to start new before Christmas, she loved Christmas,” she had died, a year after Kai left their home. Back then Kai used to look at the way both held hands and laughed at the same jokes over and over again, even after years together they never got bored with each other and shared little moments of the past with him. It wouldn't be much to say that they cared for him more than anyone and that the year he spent with them fixing his life was… pretty much the best time he had ever had since he came to Seoul.

And he is glad because they never asked more of him other than honesty and gratitude.

“Sir, there is no point in me coming back next Sunday, right?” The smile on the man's face fades, the wrinkles on his face become noticeable and Kai knows the answer.

He takes the envelope and asks no more questions, would it be intrusive? But he would like to keep seeing the old man who took care of him once. He leaves with a stained walk.

Kai gets to the movies earlier, much earlier—even though he walked all the way there—and sits outside. It hurts how things change, how comfort places for ones are the same places that trigger painful memories to others. It is sad letting go of things you took time getting attached to, or people who gave you what you needed when you didn't know what that was.

Taehyun walks to a Kai sitting with a lost stare.

“Are you ready?” he asks. Kai looks at the blond, he is standing and sunlight hits him from the back, almost like an areola. Taehyun could be an angel, Kai thinks and nods as soon as his mind recalls the question he's been asked.

Kai doesn't understand much of what's happening, they enter a movie and if Taehyun thinks it isn't fun enough he walks out of the room taking Kai by the wrist. The blond looks both ways in case there is a worker watching no one is switching rooms and if there isn’t he whispers, “run to the one at the front”.

Kai's heart races every time they do that, he didn't know it was possible, but Taehyun seems to know some life secrets Kai is not aware of.

“He dies,” Taehyun whispers to Kai's ears.

“I told you no spoilers!” and Kai would love to scream back a bit, but he will be shushed.

“Let's go to the next one!”

It goes like this: Taehyun holds him by the wrist, he checks their way out, and they run to the next room, they watch the movie together, whatever it is, but Taehyun seems to be some kind of movie expert, he's watched them all, so he blurts out spoilers as much as he breathes. This doesn't bother Kai at all, he finds it funny and at some point, he waits for them.

It's thrilling, the running between rooms and breaking imaginary rules.

It's fun, being with Taehyun.

They get out of the cinema at night and have dinner out inside the convenience store Kai usually goes to. The cashier's eyes dart to Taehyun and then to Kai, she smiles. Taehyun makes sure to cook the noodles and buy some tteokbokki too because he can't eat without tteokbokki, that's what he said.

“Let me take a picture,” Taehyun says before Kai can take a bite of his food. He takes it quickly, “Now, why were you down today?”

“What?” _he noticed?_

“Something happened today, didn't it?”

“How did you know?” Kai is concerned because he tried hard to not look affected by it.

“I just knew,” Taehyun talks and his eyes go from his food to Kai when he asks. “May I know?”

“I don't have to work at the church anymore,” Kai doesn't know what kind of face he should make right now or what kind of feeling he should portray.

“Did you like it there?”

“Yeah, a lot! It was everything I had for the longest time, and the owners helped me a lot.”

“So you liked it or was it out of gratitude?” Taehyun’s eyes are on his food, but he takes glances at Kai as much as he can.

“I liked playing the piano at least on Sundays, but I was very grateful still.”

“And can't you ask them to take you back?”

“It's not that easy, granny died a year ago, and her husband has been trying to let the negative feelings go. I don't know much, but I guess he sold everything”

“I see,” Taehyun chews on his food for a while, “all of that doesn't mean you have to stop playing the piano, why don't you play it in a place where people can see you? Sundays only, to fill that empty space in your weekend.” Like in the old days, Kai's been thinking for a while to do it again, he's got nothing to lose. “And anyway, I've got another question… what do you like about your life?”

Taehyun comes up with interesting questions, and Kai gladly replies after thinking thoroughly about them and eating a bit of the —extremely tasty— convenience-store-made noodles.

“I like...” that's a tough one, he takes his forefinger to his lips and looks to the side “right now I like being here, and you?”

“I like going out alone, sometimes when I feel down I like to treat myself to nice meals or a good movie, I practice box too, so that helps a lot. I like many things and I don't like many things too, but life is full of both, and is composed of the past, future and the now, right now I like being here too.”

Kai smiles, Taehyun’s got a way with words, “do you ever feel alone, Taehyun?”

“I used to.”

“Sometimes it feels like I am the only one walking on earth between maroon and gray trees and falling rain, between empty seats I travel through town and the bus driver wouldn't even look at me. Then in those days when no one would spare me a sight I rather stay at home, I wish I could.”

“We can stay at home if you want, next time, your place,” Taehyun lifts the corners of his mouth, with warmth.

“I'd love to.”

Kai got himself in a mess, he now has to clean, but bless the gods his place is small; how long has it been since he took care of it? Could it be months? Ages? Millenniums? That's what he focuses on the next day, for the remaining hours before Taehyun knocks on his door, cleaning his mess.

It's exactly when he opens the fridge and notices it's empty as ever when someone knocks on the door, Kai knows… there is no one else coming today, it has to be him.

He's right.

“Took my time, but I'm finally here!”

“Come in,” Kai's hands shake, how long since anyone was here? Long long, it's him the one who goes to people.

“Was cleaning fun?” Kai laughs nervously, “or do you keep your place this clean all the time? Couldn't be me.”

“It was everything but fun. You can sit there,” he points at the green sofa near the small TV.

“Bet,” Taehyun does as he is told, and searches for Kai’s eyes. “What are we eating tonight?”

“About that…” Taehyun stands back again and walks to the fridge, it's pretty much empty.

“Uhm, no problem, let's order some food, is it okay?” Kai nods, and Taehyun continues searching on his phone, his eyebrows furrow when he concentrates. “I know this place, they have amazing food, let me surprise you this one. I won't fuck it up tonight, I swear”

“Go ahead,” Kai laughs, he is still slightly shaking but having Taehyun inside his home, and having dinner with him, it truly makes it up for the embarrassment, is it too noticeable he doesn't eat at home? He isn't here much? He doesn't care much?

“While we wait, I was debating with myself: would you rather be rich and famous or live a normal life?” Taehyun looks at his phone while he asks.

“I guess… being rich and famous wouldn't be bad, especially if I'm doing what I love to do?”

“What is that?”

“Any form of art, playing the piano, singing, writing.”

“Can I hear you play?” Taehyun lifts his head.

“I haven't done freestyle in a while so bear with me.”

“It's going to be great, I know.”

Kai starts playing, and it feels great, he is doing great, just like Taehyun said. His fingers fly and create a pretty melody, one which he would love to keep playing eternally, so he memorizes the chords as he touches the keys. This song makes him feel as if he was a tiny bird flying through the air, and even when the air is cold, he can get through it. Kai looks back at Taehyun, smiling big time, full teeth showing, and he claps.

“It was so beautiful, Kai-yah, I loved it,” the clapping never stops, and it becomes gradually stronger as Taehyun approaches him, “I would love to hear you play for an eternity.”

“You can,” _at least until the contract ends, or as long as you choose to stay._ “But anyway, what's your choice?”

“Being famous, I'd like to try it too.”

The food arrives a few minutes later, when Taehyun convinces Kai of playing over and over again all the songs he knows. Kai didn't mind, because Taehyun was jumping like a little kid, clapping his hands, giggling, and then lost in the view and sound. For once, Kai did not take his eyes away from the keys—though he wanted to—, he didn't wanna mess this one up.

They didn't notice snow started falling at some point because they were lost in a discussion about how life is pretty much an illusion, and we all are just puppets, but it was somewhat nice, Taehyun raising his voice and pouting when he felt he would lose (he also pouts when he thinks he’s right, Kai made sure he knew that), and Kai questioning if he should win (how can he not win when he feels he is right?) or just let Taehyun win (because he is cute).

“Let’s say I won,” Taehyun pouts.

“Let’s say I’m right, and I let you win.”

“No! I should’ve won anyway,” Kai laughs at the way Taehyun throws a tantrum, his hands make tiny red fists, and his nose wrinkles.

“Stay tonight,” Taehyun huffs at the sudden words that come out of Kai's mouth.

“Why?" he asks confused.

“It's snowing outside, sun is about to go down, driving could be dangerous."

“Protecting your workers, I see." Taehyun takes his eyes away from Kai, he looks at his hands hiding inside the sleeves of his hoodie.

“That's what I have to do," Kai giggles. “You can sleep in my bed, I'll sleep on the couch," they are sitting on it, it is not so comfortable, not so fluffy and there is no way Kai would fit in it, but he would do it.

“This," the blond caresses the sofa, “won't do for any of us, so let's sleep together." Kai doesn't know what to say, he doesn't want to say no because part of him thinks it would be nice, but at the same time saying yes… “Don't think much about it, Kai."

“Fine," he drags the word as much as he can, yet electricity runs through his body.

Taehyun tries to make it as comfortable as possible in the tiny bed he is bound to share with Kai, and the latter can only nod to every little indication Taehyun gives.

“Is this good enough?" Taehyun ends up on the wall side of the bed and Kai is almost ready to fall from his side.

Nevertheless, he replies, “I think it is good enough," more because of the company than the fact that he won't be able to sleep.

“Great."

They stay like that, for a few minutes, maybe an hour, one beside the other covered with a thick blanket, their arms touch, and they are warm, unlike their hands and their feet. Kai notices Taehyun has cold feet, but he doesn't say a word, nor he minds.

“Your feet are pink too?” Kai says after looking under the blanket.

“Shut up,'' It has become a habit for them to make funny remarks and laugh it away until their tummies hurt.

“That's so cute,“ like his hands, like his face, like him as a whole.

“I'm shy, shut up,” Taehyun laughs harder after getting shy, and that's it: Taehyun's laugh... that's what Kai needs. He didn't know this side of the boy in which he makes himself small and giggles in the sweetest way, in which his cheeks go incredibly pink just the way his hands and feet are. Kai looks at Taehyun's face, and the latter turns to look at him, both hold smiles on their faces, smiles that show not only on their mouths but on their eyes too.

“Kai? Do you think we've known each other before?"

“What do you mean?"

“Like… if past lives are real, do you think we've met each other?" Kai stays quiet, he thinks that maybe they have, but he isn't sure if that's how it works. “Sometimes it feels like I know you from a long time ago.”

“Maybe you do, you just can’t remember.”

“It’s okay, as long as we can meet again every day of this life, right?” Kai nods a bit tired and a bit relieved, this last feeling is common for him nowadays. Feeling a sense of peace before sleeping.

It goes like that, when the snow season starts Kai can't help but worry about Taehyun's way back home, so he offers him to sleep together in his house every other night. There gets the point when Taehyun arrives with food, a blanket and his pajamas because he knows he might end up sleeping at Kai's house anyway.

Their conversations at night expand, like the universe.

“Kai, do you like traveling alone?" Taehyun asks when they are already wrapped in their blankets.

“I rather have company." In any moment, company makes it better.

“Me too, I mean it's fine not having to discuss details when traveling. But just someone sitting beside you, feels great."

“It is nice to have someone to share the memories with."

“Is there someone you miss?" Kai thinks for a moment before replying.

“Many, Yeonjun and Soobin, mostly, you don't know them, but we used to study together. They used to take care of me a lot."

“What happened?" Taehyun always asks with stars in his eyes.

The story is not one Kai is fond of telling, but he tries his best to share. Kai met Yeonjun back then in college when he was sitting alone on a bench, and the boy with the bright pink hair got close to him and said: “I want you to play in my audition, I’ll pay you,” Yeonjun had that smirk on his face when he knows he won't be rejected—he was never rejected—and Kai accepted, he needed the money and the chance to play for one of the best ballet dancers of the Arts Department.

It all went the best way it could, the chemistry between Kai and Yeonjun was unbelievable like they knew exactly what the other was going to do, the notes and the steps, fingers, and feet, and the audition went incredibly for both. Yeonjun got the role and Kai got himself some offers for playing, then during break times, Yeonjun would care for the younger, buy food for him and ask him about his day, after that they would talk about how their lives were… pretty much the same. Kai felt like he had found at least one person in the world who could understand him, who shared the same pain and the same whole, and he then became his anchor, the one who kept him going with feet on earth.

But the anchor was gone, he was gone when both went out of college and started to make their own lives, because Yeonjun got all kinds of offers and Kai got only a few.

Those are the types of stories Taehyun listens at night before they fall asleep and that's also how Taehyun learns Kai like his coffee sweet in the mornings. Kai notices Taehyun is the type to wake up early to exercise. Kai tries a few times to wake up early and run with Taehyun, but he only does when Taehyun asks for it not because he is fond of running. Taehyun also helps Kai with writing, the latter's been the most productive since he has the blond helping him, correcting him, making dinner, or ordering food.

It becomes a routine, having someone by his side, again.

“It feels as if we've not gone out in years," Taehyun looks out through the window.

“Well, winter is here now, where can we go without ending up covered in snow or with a cold?"

“You know I could treat your cold, right?"

“You've done that already…" Kai blushes at the memories and the fever he had then. Taehyun sat by his side with wet towels and hot tea.

“Kai," the blond starts the usual way, slowly and with a soft voice he calls his friend's name, and then the question comes, “do you like summer rain or freezy air?"

“Freezy air… but I like them both when you are around, you?"

“I agree, summer rain is nice, freezy air is cool, but being with you makes both better!" he smiles.

“You are doing such a good job,” Taehyun chuckles at Kai giving him two thumbs up.

“I am.”

“And you took your time to get to know me, take me to nice places. You listened to me at nights, you asked every question that popped up in your mind, which I am glad for because I am awkward when I meet new people," Kai gets near Taehyun, slowly. There are not enough words to express the gratitude he feels.

“You don't seem awkward to me."

“That's good, that's all that matters for me," _You._

They hug.

#  **FULL MOON**

Kai and Taehyun have gotten used to sleep at Kai's place when the snow is too strong (sometimes even when it's not), to share drinks and food, to night drives and morning walks, to Kai holding Taehyun's arm in his as they walk down the street, and to colored lights lighting up their way home. They've been like that for a few days—which felt more like months.

“We are so different, but at the same time I can't even point out what is it,” Taehyun lets out of nowhere while they walk home through snowed streets, Taehyun and his red beanie, and Kai with a huge padded jacket.

Kai can only huff. “What do you mean?” Because he genuinely doesn't get it.

“You like so many things I do not, but we share other many in common,” Taehyun starts with caution, with his low voice first. “I feel like I know a lot about you, so much I can't recall right now."

“I think we complement each other well,” Taehyun smiles, almost like that's the answer he was waiting for.

“Well, that could be it too... by the way, I won't be able to meet with you the next week, I have this thing at work…" Kai knows Taehyun's job is much more steady than his, so he understands the boy is needed constantly, even if the latter tries not to leave Kai alone for too long.

“Oh, it's completely fine!"

“And about that paper for your work you wanted me to read, you can send it to my email, I'll send you my take on it!" Kai nods.

That day the strange feeling begins running in his body when Taehyun doesn't come back the next day after leaving his home, nor the day after, nor the day after the day after, and Kai is mad because he knows Taehyun will be back, but he can't avoid missing his presence, and his existential talks, and his silly questions or his red cold hands, or his rosy cheeks… the list goes on.

But the most confusing part of it all is the way he doesn't know if he should call the blond if he should reach out with a _hi_ text. He needs assistance.

Yeojun? _Busy._

Soobin? _Busy._

His older sister? Busy.

He has no one else to reach out to, his mom wouldn't understand. Kai believes that desperate times call for desperate measures, so he runs to his room and takes the gift Beomgyu gave him weeks ago, a gift he chose not to open until Christmas night just in case he wouldn't get any gift. A small green decorated box from which he rips the paper out, and finds in it's a sky blue hoodie, he loves it.

But he has to call.

And he does.

And thank God there is no voicemail.

 _“Hello?”_ his voice shakes when he talks. _“Choi Beomgyu?”_

 _“Who's this?”_ It’s definitely the person he is looking for, that deep voice, he would recognize anywhere.

 _“Huening Kai, from work,”_ the conversation feels like running, Kai is desperate indeed, and for this he talks like flash, on the contrary, Beomgyu's voice tone is sloooow and smooth, annoyingly nice.

_“Kai? Oh, that's a surprise I thought you wouldn't call, how are you doing?”_

_“Great,"_ he lies, _“I need help, Beomgyu-ssi.”_

_“Is everything...”_

_“I need you to be honest, should I call or text a person when I miss them?"_

_“It depends on how close you think you are…?"_

_“I mean we are pretty close, they've been sleeping at my place for the past weeks, and we know each other's secrets, we've even slept on the same bed, and we have had dinner together many nights so,"_ Kai doesn't know why or when he decided to share those moments with his co-worker felt right, but he did and there's no way back.

_“If you two are basically dating why don't you just call?"_

_“We aren't, we met a month ago, we are best friends… I think, best sort of something."_ He really doesn’t know.

 _“I don't understand"_ How could he? How could anyone? Kai imagines himself hitting his own forehead.

 _“Let me explain, a month ago I-”_ he shivers before talking about it, he will look stupid, but he says it anyway, _“I put up an offer on Craiglist. I was going to pay for a platonic relationship, you know?”_ Beomgyu humphs to every other word, _“and this boy took it. I didn't even know that was possible, we went out a lot, like a LOT, and I don't know... he is great and funny, and smart, and I don't want to ruin our friendship looking needy.”_

_“Do you like him?”_

_“Of course I don't,”_ _know._ He stops, does he?

_“Then I still don't get it, how is it that you are going bonkers over if a text or call is more appropriate? How does that make you confused if you are friends?"_

_“I-I don't know…”_ How is he supposed to know? After all those days and all those questions, and the infinite amount of happiness Taehyun has brought to his life, _“genuinely, I have no idea.”_

 _“How do you know your feelings are platonic then?”_ Beomgyu sounds the slightest bit annoyed.

 _“I-I don't know? When he is around I feel great, he keeps me going, he always finds a way out, or a way in. He makes me laugh and asks the best questions. I feel like I've known him my whole life like he is the missing piece of a puzzle I lost under the sofa years ago and found years after, I didn’t even know there was a puzzle to solve. He is around and makes me feel safe, calm, happy...”_ Kai tries to find the right word to it, _“he is my soulmate.”_

_“Soulmates can be platonic too, but should platonic feelings make you doubt if what you'll do is okay or not? Are you one hundred percent sure you don't feel like kissing him anytime soon?”_

Kai remembers that one time he and Taehyun went all the way to Han River to eat kimchi and drink soju while they talked about how funny life works and the ups and downs of it. At some point Taehyun was so drunk he couldn't stand properly, so Kai held him from the waist and walked him to their car. In their way to it and while trying not to fall or stumble, Taehyun mumbled 'Kai, look at the moon, isn’t it pretty?' and Kai did, it was pretty indeed. Then his eyes went back to the boy he was holding, with the shine of the moonlight hitting his face, his silk skin looked pretty and so did his eyes that shone like stars. Taehyun’s eyes were stars, and he was ten times more beautiful than he moon he was looking at.

That one night, with a few soju bottles on him, Kai wished to taste the lips of the boy by his side, he wished to hug him for a bit longer, to stay there like that for much longer. Yet, when he’s asked if he'd ever want to kiss Taehyun, he replies: _“No.”_

_“Kai, you took way too long to reply that question, so talk to him when he's back, no text, no calls.”_

He is doomed, he was doomed ever since that Craiglist idea he had. _“How?”_

_“The same way you had the courage to go and put up that offer, but relaxed and sincere.”_

_“Hyung, I am afraid,”_ he can't let pass the feeling of being at the very top of a roller coaster and falling with no warning, that’s what it feels realizing you actually like someone in much more and many ways than you had ever thought. Because at the very end of the rollercoaster and the euphoria, comes the calmness.

 _“What are you afraid of?”_ Beomgyu asks.

_“I feel like I just started living, crawling, walking... and now I have to run, and I am scared to fall and lose him."_

_“If things go wrong, which they won't, make sure you know that's exactly what makes life exciting, the exciting-scary things we do make the best, most memorable moments of our lives, so don't be too scared of betting if the reward is bigger than what you can lose,”_ fuck writers and their ways of seeing life. Yet it is true, and Kai has written about it millions of times.

It's not like Kai hadn't been in any relationship, he had, many years ago with a couple of girls he found cute, they filled him with nice food and tons of hugs. Kai loved the feeling of being loved, and sometimes he found himself thinking that if he just accepted going out with any girl, they'd fall for him, and he would have it all again, but this made him feel selfish, so he never went far past a first (or no) date. But there is something in Taehyun that makes Kai doubt if he should take another step, and that something is the fact that Taehyun knows Kai's favorite ice cream, he knows the way Kai drinks his coffee in the mornings, he knows Kai loves playing the piano, and how much he hates the subway in the mornings. Taehyun knows Kai rarely gets drunk, or how he never cries because he tries his best to be strong for people, Taehyun knows how Kai can't wake up early or ride the rollercoaster, he even knows Kai's childhood stories, maybe Taehyun knows too much about him.

And that hurts.

It would hurt to lose someone who knows that much about you.

Kai does as he's said, he sends a text that reads 'let's meet at the café when you are available, I need to talk to you', and Taehyun accepts because he never says no to meeting Kai.

He waits outside the café, gloves cover his hands, yet they are still freezing. He can't move, he is shaking even though he made sure this long coat could make him warm enough… he knows where the feeling comes from, it isn't from the chilly air.

Taehyun can be seen from the distance, from the way he walks, and the red beanie Kai gifted him that one time he sent him home, and the weather started acting up, maybe they have too many memories together.

“You look like a puppy waiting outside,” the blond giggles.

“Taehyun, we should… talk.”

“Yeah, you said that on the message.”

“I thought you hadn't read it, I waited for a reply,” he did, with his hands clenched together, he waited instead of finishing his article.

“I got scared, but I am here. You know most of the 'we should talk' convos don't end well, so I thought a lot,” both did.

“It's not bad, I swear."

“I believe you," Kai takes a deep breath, he is trying not to pay attention to the puppy eyes of the boy in front of him, to the thin line his lips make, to the cold he feels and the big chance Taehyun's hands are freezing too, he would like to hold them, so he needs to hurry.

“I think,” he pauses, and he holds Taehyun from the shoulders, softly, more so he doesn’t fall, “I like you,” Taehyun is quiet, not a word comes from his mouth, but his eyes go bigger. That's everything Kai can notice. “And I am afraid, this makes me afraid, this is not the way this should go, yet I still want to try to be with you for a long time and maybe hold your hand, and hold your face in more than... platonic ways.”

“I am afraid too,” Taehyun murmurs, and just like the time they rode the roller coaster, that phrase makes him feel less alone, but not less scared, “and I like you too. Shouldn't we try it out, to make sure it isn't as bad as we think it could be?” both smile in relief.

Kai holds Taehyun's cheek and looks at him, he gets as close to the blond’s lips as he is able to before asking, “can I?” Taehyun nods.

And their lips finally meet. It explodes, inside of him, like the big bang; it is happiness, excitement, and pure joy, he's sure.

Taehyun is exactly what he's been waiting for.

And maybe Taehyun's been always there, just like the moon to the earth, making each other company.

#  **NEW MOON II**

**December 25, present time.**

Last year Christmas wasn't much fun, just him on the chair in front of his desktop writing the Christmas special for the column as he drank the third cup of coffee of the night because he procrastinated the work all month. The special didn't get many views anyway.

But this Christmas is different, he doesn't care about views or senseless works. This Christmas he's all dressed up, with scarf and gloves, inside the pretty tiny café where he and Taehyun met for the first time, and instead of sitting in front of a desk and his laptop, he is sitting in front of a boy, a boy whose giggle could cure the worst pain.

So Kai takes out his glove and holds Taehyun's hand because he wants to and because he can; because now, even with fear, he does what he wants to do. Pain is real, but isn't pain bigger without the boy in front of him?

“Painkiller,” Kai mumbles between laughs at the realization.

“What?” Taehyun can help but laugh too, a bit confused.

“You are my painkiller!” Kai looks at Taehyun deep in the eyes, _his shiny eyes._ “You keep me company, so I am glad for you.”

Snow falls outside. It is white, it covers the street, the houses, the trees, but it doesn't cover him, and that's enough, it is enough because he isn't feeling _cold_ anymore.

“I ordered coffee!! And some cookies, is it okay?” Taehyun says, he smiles, Kai follows. “You also asked for a completely 'capitals' platonic relationship if I recall correctly.”

“You do recall correctly,” Kai says nodding.

“This isn't near platonic anymore.”

“I guess it isn't, not for me.”

“You know you’re really lucky it was me of all people who saw that ad,” Kai finds himself chuckling at the memory.

“Why did you take that offer?” Though the question has been asked once already, Kai’s curiosity never dies.

“I guess…” Taehyun stays quiet for a bit, maybe Kai notices the way he looks at their laced hands. “I guess I was lonely too,” and he looks at Kai with the shiniest dazzle in his eyes. Kai thinks that maybe they shine on their own, not like stars only, but galaxies.

“Why did you stay?”

“Because of your eyes,” Taehyun is silly, and Kai loves that, “at first I thought it was all a joke… I thought: _how could someone put up this kind of offer? They must be crazy lonely!_ But there was nothing to lose anyway, then we met here, and I saw you.”

“You looked at me.” Kai chuckles, “I must be crazy handsome then.”

Taehyun nods laughing. “Yes, you are, but I also thought: _yeah, he’s the one_ ,” Taehyun tightens the grip between their hands. “You had those lonely eyes.”

“But now I have you, and you have me.”

“Do you remember that time I asked you: what do you like about your life?” Kai remembers all the questions, like a poem.

“I remember, we ate at the convenience store, such good noodles” Kai remembers too, that he tried going for noodles when Taehyun wasn’t around and how they didn’t taste the same.

“I was not brave enough to ask, but what follows that question is: _how can I make it better_?”

Kai wonders for a while, the coffee gets to their table, so do the cookies, and he notices the reason he's not been able to reply is that he doesn't want to jinx it, but a part in him tells him this time that the one sitting in front of him, he is different. “Surround me, for a long time. Stick with me, for eternity.”

“That's always been the plan, Kai.”

Maybe that’s when Kai realizes people do come and go, some are meant to stay and some come around from time to time, but what matters is Huening Kai is not alone anymore, and neither is Kang Taehyun.

“So if every planet in our galaxy has a satellite to feel less alone, then I want to be yours, let's make each other company in this universe.”

#  **NEW MOON I**

**December 21, three years ago.**

Snow had started to fall from the colorless sky, why did he think it was a good idea to go out today? He closed his coat, tightened his scarf, and ran to the nearest place on sight, a small café that looked warm from the window, _it must be the yellow lights_ , Taehyun thought, some lights are deceiving, but he still walked in.

It was cozy, walls made of wood, and it was cute how the waiters had Santa hats on and fluffy red gloves, they even 'ho-ho-ed' to welcome him.

Taehyun sat on the table far right beside the long window, it was a bit foggy, so he cleaned a tiny part of it with his gloves. A cherry tree covered with snow and people gathering not too far is all he could —barely, the snowy air made it quite difficult— see. But that didn't matter, the chair was cold and the feeling went up through his spine, could for his and god's sake the cold leave his clothes?

Even after the second cup of hot coffee, the cold remained for a while, had he been cursing on December snow and the shitty coat he had on, plus the fact that he did not have a gift for his mom just yet, with Christmas around the corner. He did not hate snow at all, he loved the season, he just wanted it to stop for a moment, the _cold_ inside him.

He heard the piano music playing, though it sounded far, the harmony of the notes made him feel calm, and made him need to listen to it more. Taehyun turned all around until he found where the music came from. It was the bunch of people gathered a bit far, surrounding a boy... a boy beautifully playing. Taehyun did not notice, but the cold had left at that moment.

It started there and then, the first time Taehyun saw the boy.

He found himself asking for his name to the people he saw that night and the few days after when he came back, when he sat a bit far just to look at him play. Taehyun liked the way his fingers moved graciously and his brown hair fell to his shoulders. Taehyun went back to that place every Friday, only to see the boy play, and he wondered for a long time, much unlike him, if he should wait for the piano boy until the very end, so the day Taehyun gathered the courage to ask for the boy's hand in marriage (as he liked to joke, he was well aware he could barely say _hi_ and if his nervousness did not betray him, maybe ask for his number), that day... the boy did not go, and he never came back.

Taehyun felt inevitably attracted to him, like gravity pulls humans to the Earth, like a moon to its planet, like satellites keep their orbit in the universe thanks to the bigger mass body. Taehyun wanted to be around that boy with that intensity.

He did not expect what was to come, nor how he'd find him again.

**Author's Note:**

>   * [Moon phases.](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1325/0879/files/moon-phases-meanings-lunar-phases-astrology-full-infographic.png?v=1478021892)
>   * [I paid $47 an hour for someone to be my friend.](https://www.vox.com/the-highlight/2019/6/24/18701140/rent-a-friend-friendship-loneliness-platonic-relationships)
> 

> 
> I hope you had a nice year-end! ^^ <3 and to whoever is reading this... if you can leave a comment with your thoughts, I'd appreciate that a lot. ^^ I also want to make you aware that I will be adding this story to a tyunning collection I've been working on! Halcyon birds and past lives are the main topics, just to let you know. 
> 
> **[cc](https://curiouscat.me/apricty) | [twt](https://twitter.com/NlNGYU)**


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